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BAKU. November 14, 2009. Thousands four-legged citizens around the world signed a petition denouncing the use of donkey references in regards to the government of Azerbaijan, a post-Soviet nation known for its corrupt and authoritarian leadership. The action was initiated by the Mules And Donkeys Against Smear Society (MAD ASS) in response to the recent online videos and news articles where donkey images appeared in satirical pieces about Azerbaijani politics.

The President of the largest donkey party, YEP (“Yeni Eshsheyler Partiyasi”, which stands for “New Donkey Party” in Azeri language), His Excellency Mister I.A. The First expressed grave concerns about the worldwide damage that has been done to the reputation of donkeys. “We do not want our name to be associated with the authorities in Baku”, he said. “There is no ground for this: we have nothing to do with the political repressions perpetrated by Azerbaijani government. It is an insult to the dignity of all donkeys to be compared with such a regime.”

BAKU. August 14, 2009. The latest reports from Azerbaijan indicate that the government is expanding the investigation of pro-democracy activists, Adnan Hajizada and Emin Milli, beyond the human population. Several donkeys have been detained and interrogated and are expected to testify against Hajizada and Milli in the upcoming trial. Our correspondent was able to obtain a confidential photo of one such donkey arrest, shown above. A highly placed source in the Ministry of Very Deep Interior, who released the photo, asked to remain anonymous.

Azerbaijani government introduced a draft bill for consideration of parliament, Milli Mejlis, aimed at protecting the “honor and dignity of animal life”. The bill was introduced by the members of parliament from the ruling party and the initiative group of MPs representing the rural districts.

The head of the department for Donkey, Sheep and Other Cattle Related Issues within the presidential administration described the bill as the “evidence of progress Azerbaijan is making in protecting the rights of all its residents, regardless of gender, race, political and sexual orientation, regional background, and belonging to specific biological species”. The spokesperson for the ruling YAP party also praised the initiative and added that it is a high time for those infringing on the rights of animals to be held responsible. “Azerbaijan is the regional leader in democracy and moving beyond human rights”, he concluded.

Baku. Azerbaijan. April 1, 2009. In an unexpected move which shocked Azerbaijani public as well as many observers abroad, the country’s ruling YAP party, which stands for “Yeni Azerbaijan Partiyasi”, or “New Azerbaijan Party” in English, decided to dissolve itself during an emergency general session of delegates. The session was initially called to celebrate the victory in the referendum on constitutional changes, which allowed the current president Ilham Aliyev, chairman of YAP, to remain in office indefinitely. Giant portraits of the president and his late father, former president Heydar Aliyev (also known by popular titles “National Leader”, “The Great One”, “Savior of Nation”, “The Reason for Our Existence”) were prepared for the occasion.